What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

My life is so biszare .

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

Are there any penalties for bestiality in the USA and laws prohibiting it?

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

I did it because my mum asked me too!

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

Is there a musician who has publicly stated that they do not want their music played by the Trump campaign or at a Trump rally? If so, who and why?

I said to her

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

What did i know ?

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He resisted the act ,that day.

Why did i forgive my father ?

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

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Comes on , in middle age.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

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Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

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But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

We all went to grammer schools

It was going to be , some day.

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My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

But ive been too sick for many years..

So whats the point in blame.

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That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

What is a partner in crime?

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

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Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

We were not on the streets..

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

What happens when your partner doesn't see the value in you and continuously hurts you by searching for something in others knowing it hurts you?

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

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My mum and dad in the seventies!

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

She found it foreign!.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

I think the readers, may guess!

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

Who then, do I blame.?

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

She wouldn,t have been !

I know ,a lot about trauma.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

But it wasn’t much.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

This is soul school!.

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

She married twice! .

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

All the time i was locked up.

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

I couldn’t, believe it.

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

She was in good health!

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

(And it was in our own minds.)

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

He knew the spot.

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

I will be 64.

I was seconnd youngest,

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

And who doesn’t know suffering?

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

One cannot live in the past .

This is how, and why children get BPD.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

Especially a lifetime of it.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

Im still living with it.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

I never cut or harmed myself..

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

Would this be the day?

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

And i lived it daily.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

But, we were locked up after school.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

I don,t even have a pension.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

I was scared of men, in general

I had hoped to write a book about this .

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

Was to survive, this bastard.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

I was very sick at this time too.

My family never makes their pension either.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

I have no regrets .

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

Ive learnt so much.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

As i do to all so called friends.?

I write beautiful poetry .

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

I was 9 years of age.

When she asked me how she looked .

I waited trembling.

I could never make a relationship work though!

She loved him until the end.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

Put me off passion for life!!

They are buried together, in the same grave..

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

So, i spoilt her more .

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!